This is a different kind of a post to the ones I normally do, but I felt that it was time.
As a Coach, I speak with various types of people and every now and then, I recognize patterns in the challenges they face. And some of them are very human challenges that we treat them as different. So today….. I want to dedicate this post to speaking about some of those challenges so that if you face any of them, you’d have a different perspective of them
1. Stressing about being stuck
If you’ve never felt stuck in something….you’re one of the rare lucky ones. As for the majority of us….commonly we feel stuck in different situations and areas of life every now and then.
And when we do…it’s also common to stress about the fact that we’re stuck. Try to “figure it out”, sit on a therapy chair talking about it for years, meditate on it, sleep on it, lose sleep over it, etc.
But getting stuck every now and then is in our very human nature.
Think of a stick stuck while floating in a river. You might notice that it’s stayed stuck for probably a few hours or days even….but take a step back and you’d see things differently.
When you take a step back you’d see that all sticks will float for a bit….and then get stuck in a corner. Sometimes for minutes…sometimes for hours….sometimes for months. But eventually, it will get a slight nudge from somewhere and it will start to flow again. It would get stuck again…at a different spot…but eventually it will get unstuck and forget all about it.
And it does that hundreds of times…!
We humans are like that as well. Sometimes we’re in flow with life (and we’re happy about it because we’ve been told that, that’s the way to be) and then sometimes we get stuck and then we become unhappy about the fact we’re stuck and stress about it. Because we’ve been told that it’s bad to be stuck. That there’s something wrong with you for staying stuck that long!!!
When you take a few steps back from your life, you’ll realise that you’ve done this your entire life. First day at school, first crush, first heartbreak, uni drama, first job, first real relationship….and the list goes on.
The only thing you didn’t know about is….how long you’d stay stuck, at what point you would get stuck again and how exactly you’d get unstuck (e.g. a new opportunity that came by, a person you met, conversation with a mentor/coach, a change in your external environment, etc).
But you just did!
”Whenever you feel stuck with something...a bigger opportunity is unfolding in the background that’s not ready for you yet.
But because you’re so close to it, you just can’t see it. But when you look back after many years ….you’d realise why you were stuck at that exact point. What good came out of it as a result.
The moment you get stressed about the fact that you’re stuck…..remember it’s the human nature and you’d get unstuck at any moment as you’ve done many times throughout your life. So stop stressing about trying to “figure out” how to get unstuck!
If you ‘know how’ to do it, you would’ve already done it by now!
It’ll happen when it happens.
2. Expecting to Have THE Perfect Relationship with Kids
Have you ever met anyone who hadn’t had challenges with their parents at one stage or another?
Have you met parents who’ve never had challenges with their kids at one stage or another?
What makes you think that you can become a parent who never had any problems with your children? And there’s something wrong with you if you don’t?
This is a fantasy that a lot of parents have, to become the perfect parents who never had any problems with their kids, ever!
If I speak with your parents or whoever was looking after you growing up, you know what kind of a report card I would get about you, right?
Yet, they were doing exactly what you’re trying to do! Trying to do the best, to the best of their ability with what they had. So if your kids are going through a phase of being stubborn, hating you, rebellious & hurtful……just know that they’re just going through a phase. It too shall pass just like it did for you!
”Sometimes...you can help them and sometimes all you can do is to be there for support and let them know how much they’re loved.
And the rest will fall into place.
So please stop beating yourself up thinking you’re doing a bad job, unless you can find a parent who’s never had ANY problems with their kids EVER!
You’re merely being human.
Note: If you DO find a parent who’ve never had ANY problems with their kids (and the kids turned out to be great), I would like to be the first one to know about them.
3. Being scared to feel scared
‘How do I get rid of my fears entirely so that I can go out and be my best self?’
This is a question that I get asked ALOT. And I’ve got some good news and bad news!
Bad news is….YOU CANNOT!
Good news is……I can show you how to TURN FEAR INTO AN ASSET!
We all have fear at some level or another for different things, people and situations. But unfortunately, fear is a commonly misunderstood feeling just because we give the wrong meaning to it.
The reason why you’re alive today…is because of FEAR.
Think about it this way…..imagine your ancestors thousands and thousands of years ago…..during hunter gatherer period…when they had to deal with a lot of dangerous circumstances; they survived because of fear!
Anyone who didn’t feel fear enough….got wiped out of this earth. So the mere reason why you’re born today is because your ancestors had enough fear in them to survive. It’s inbuilt to our human nature.
”Wanting to get rid of fear is like wanting to get rid of your own shadow!
It ain’t going to happen!
You just don’t have to get scared of feeling fear! It’s just another feeling like ‘happiness’!
Do you worry when you feel happy? If the answer is no, treat ‘fear’ the same!
The next time you feel fear when reaching out to someone big, making a presentation, speaking publicly, going for an interview/negotiation, or whatever else you fill your life with…
Good! It means that you’re about to do something great!
Feel the fear and do it anyway! Because that too shall pass!
Wanting to get rid of it means that you’ve forgotten you’re human.
And ….if you don’t know this already….
”In life some of the things you do will work out...and some of it won’t.
Now If you think…. ”I know that Vindya! Duh!!”
Well…do you? Because if you did, you wouldn’t be going at everything in life as if it’s a matter of life and death! Would you?
It may sound stupid! But it’s a simple truth in life that we all forget.
*****Ok…I know I said 3 Signs…but I had to write this one too
4. Expecting to be an exception to the rule because you’re serving a higher purpose
How many instances have you seen a person being rewarded not necessarily because they’re the best at what they do, but because they put themselves out there more?
Or a person with average talent make a bucket load of money, while people with greater gifts are just scraping by?
How many times have you failed to convince a point…regardless of how great your work is?
I hear a lot of people who do creative work/entrepreneurs who do what they do because they’re on a mission…..get surprised about the fact that they’re not served a better hand in life just because they’re doing work that’s for the greater good.
Another truth of life is that you cannot escape hard work, proactively marketing your vision, making sales, making money, principles of business, social norms….just because you’re creating something great.
They’re things that’s equal to all human beings regardless of what you do.
Just because you’re a good person, doesn’t mean that other people are going to automatically discover your greatness and reward you for it
Or money is going to flow through the door…or you can get away with slacking off and not put in the work necessary to get the results!….or the deals are going to magically appear without you having to lift a finger.
”It’s a truth of life that each and everyone of us have to do our part before the universe starts to reward you for it
regardless of your gender, age, race or religion.
This is why you see people with lesser talents move forward and you’re left wondering why not me! Rather than understanding what part you need to play…you’ve spent your time complaining about how the system doesn’t work..or how the society is bad..
Again….defying this as a truth of life….is again forgetting that you’re a human living in a human world.
I hope this made some sense and gave a different perspective even in the slightest possible way.